Waiting

Waiting to hear back from medical schools is horrendous. Like seriously, it’s terrible. Now I know I’m not in the best place to complain since I’ve heard back from, and thanks to God have been accepted to, three medical schools thus far. Nonetheless, I can comment on this because I’ve done it, and am doing so right now. At this point I like the schools I’ve been accepted to; however, I really like two of the schools where I most recently interviewed, Case Western and Loyola, but have yet to hear back from them. Now there are two types of waiting in this instance: just waiting without any idea when you may hear back and waiting for the “magic” date when you were told you’d hear back. No doubt it’s hard when you have no idea when to expect a response, but there comes a point where you let go and you get over the daily anxiety of “could this be the day.” The worst, I think (or maybe it’s just because I’m currently in this situation), is when you are told by the school when their committee will make decisions, but the decision letter doesn’t come as soon after that.

I interviewed at Loyola on February 12, 2011 and loved it there, so it was exciting when they told us we would here back soon after our interview. The committee was meeting the following Monday (February 21). The schools I have heard from so far have sent out emails and letters with admissions decisions, which means students hear on that very day the committee looks over their files. But that isn’t the case with Loyola. By Wednesday I still hadn’t heard anything and was beginning to get a little worried. That is why the wait is so bad: your mind begins to run. I started to wonder if maybe they only emailed admitted students and if regular letters were sent to rejected students. But then I remembered that most of my communication with Loyola has been via telephone or regular mail, they don’t do much email. And on and on the thoughts went (I’ve talked to a lot of my friends who are applying to med school and they say the same thing, the anxiety is terrible and the thoughts/worries/speculations that run through their heads only make things worse). The past few days have been so hard for me. Since I still hadn’t heard from Loyola three days after the committee met, I couldn’t wait any longer. I didn’t want to be “that student,” but I need to at least know when and how I would hear back from them so I could relax a little. I sent the admissions office a quick email and they said decisions letters went out via regular mail that Wednesday (February 23). Well, Chicago isn’t very far so I thought I would get that letter soon after but Thursday came and no letter. Friday, no letter. Saturday, still no letter! Come on post office...don’t you realize what this letter says? Can’t you hurry up with my letter? (This whole process can really make you think the world revolves around you. Thankfully God and my wonderful friends and family remind me each day that it doesn’t.)  It’s Monday and I’m pretty confident that the letter will arrive today…but who knows? I can tell you this though, if it doesn’t come I’ll probably come up with some crazy, pessimistic rationale for why I haven’t heard yet and how that probably means I wasn’t accepted.

It’s funny how much I worry and how anxious I get sometimes. I think a lot of us do this throughout life. And it’s so easy to do. But why? What does it mean? Well, I know it’s because I’m not depending on God fully, resting in His will, and placing my confidence in the fact that He is in control…but that sure is easier said than done.